im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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