this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
