I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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