oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
its not stalking. its research.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So vagazzling was a success
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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