I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Boobs speak an international language.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
