This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
