saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
