you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
