Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
