just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
