I want to make a zoo with you.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
