Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
