I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
