i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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