he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
