Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
