I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
