respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
