perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
