Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
