I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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