Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
