Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
