I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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