I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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