she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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