everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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