garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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