and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
