dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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