True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
