No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My hand turned me down
We named our party play list daddy issues
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize