Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
