Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
