i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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