this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
