Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
