i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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