My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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