it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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