i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize