hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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