Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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