i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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