Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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