hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
