So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
