I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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