I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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