If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize