you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
