I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
