I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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