dude i'm inner monologue high
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
