Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
