so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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