i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
