Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
