I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
