I just made out with a guy for $7.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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