hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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