I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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