I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
