Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
