There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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