did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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