Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
