My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
