What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
