It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
don't judge my taste in strippers
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
