she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
