Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
