to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Mom said you looked used
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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