You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize