I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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