I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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